Things That Annoy Me # 221 ---The misuse of chimpanzees--

Chimpanzees have had a hard couple of years. Don't get me wrong, I ain't no hippiefied animal rights activist or anything of that sort, i just think chimpanzees have hard a hard rap.

What brought about this opinion?

Well, recently whilst clicking "random article" on wikipedia I stumbled across a disturbing page called "Motorcross Kids". It wasn't that bad until i noticed that one of the kids, the hairy, chimpish one, was indeed a hairy chimp.

See for yourself:

Blatant misuse of Chimpanzee.

The kid on the left is thinking something along the lines of "Wow! A chimpanzee."

The Chimp is thinking something like "Look! I have teeth."

And the chick on the right is seriously considering firing her agent. Look at that death stare its like "Johnny, when i finish this movie i'm gonna dropkick you in the larynx."

And that is just one blatant misuse of chimpanzees.

There are more but i cant be buggered to list all them. Just accept the fact that chimpanzees are being abused on set and go and picket somebody.

Take that corporate America

Whilst traversing the den of iniquity we call the internet I stumbled upon an intersting article by Maddox, a internet satirist (http://maddox.xmission.com/). Avoid this site if you are offended easily, in fact, its probably best if you just avoid this site altogether.

This article related to how much internet advertising doesn't work. Becasue copyright is fun I figured I should post his website up to give him credit.

Anyhow, below are the statistics:

Money spent on advertising courtesy of Adage.com

Internet traffic rankings courtesy of Alexa.com

--Note, the lower the ranking, the better the website--

• "KFC" spent $224, 515, 000 on advertising and ranked 33266 on the web


• "Wendy's Old Fasioned Hamburgers" spent $270,965,000 and was ranked 21984


• "Burger King" spent $336,271,000 with a ranking of 20483


• "Subway" Spent $218,685,000 and was 13937


• "Coca Cola" spent $154,360,000 and was ranked 12388


• "Pepsi" spent $170,115,000 and was ranked 9297


• "McDonalds" spent a whopping $548,250,000 on advertising and got an overall ranking of 6319


• And (drumroll please) Maddox and his "Best Page In The Universe" spent a grand total of Zero Dollars on advertising and was ranked 5892.

So my question is this, what are the big corporations doing wrong? How can it be that one abusive satirist can have more traffic than a website which spends over Five Hundred Million Dollars on advertising.

And more to the point, how can people get away with spending such obscene amounts of money trying to sell a slimy, greasy hamburger when there are still countries in the world with life expectancies not much higher than 38.

Don't fear though, every now and then one of these companies will do a "Fundraiser" to show how much they care about the world. However, even these fundraisers are sales gimmicks. If you look close enough you will see that in order to get the money (normally only a few cents from any purchase) to the charity, you have to buy a hamburger, or fries.

All the below statistics are from the McDonalds Websites. I thought it might be fun to screw them with their own stats.

So lets do the maths, last "Fundraiser" McDonalds did they pledged one dollar from every big mac sold. Now, a Big Mac costs $3.95, and assuming you buy fries and a coke which will take the value up to $5.50. So pledging one dollar from $5.50 gives you $4.50, now McDonalds serves about 47 million customers worldwide each day, and most of their promos are world wide any way, now the Big Mac would sell about 13 million units each day meaning that they will still draw in $58,500,000 dollars each day of the promo, and only give away, $13,000,000. Better than nothing I suppose. The promo ran for three weeks, during which time McDonalds saw an increase in the amount of Big Macs sold, ( though interestingly they never mention exactly what the increase was simply citing "...More than usual...").

And even their good samaritanship with the Ronald McDonald House Charity is a ploy to sell you more McDonalds. Sure they pledge a few million every now and then but that doesn't detract from the fact that it is a blatant promotional tool. The very name of it, Ronald McDonald gives it away. Not only do they use their mascot, they also use their name.

Hows this for a new promotional campaign:

Till my next rant, ta ta.

Why Life Can't Be Fair

To show you why life can't be fair i shall pose a question, state a statement, and make an accusation.

1) The Question

If life really was fair, wouldn't everybody have big houses, a fast car and heaps of money. There would be no war or famine?

2) The Statement

If life was fair, every time an old man died, an old man in every other family would die. And every time a baby was born, a baby in every other family would be born. The population of the world would both become extinct and to large in the same day.

3) The Accusation

Considering the fact that you want fairness and equality and everything to be shared, i assume you are a Commie.

Go figure.

Eskimo Rap

Yo yo yo its an Eskimo
He's cool fo' sho'
And his rhymes just flow

They build igloos
and they have a strong resistant to the flu
Just one question, "Where's the loo?"

For you chaps who don't know jargon
Your excused you have a pardon
The sunflower lights up the garden
Outside of the Igloo.

And Eskimos have good fashion sense
They wore big hoodies before it was a trend
Just don't lend clothig to a friend
Cos friends suck and steal your clothes.

And cos im bored this rap shall end
I must go, i have a wedding to attend
So please choose three folks then click send
And send it to three people.

Postman Pat Lyrics

Postman Pat. Postman Pat. Postman Pat and his black and white cat.

Early in the morning, just as day is dawning, he picks up all the post bags in his van.

Postman Pat. Postman Pat. Postman Pat and his black and white cat.A
ll the birds are singing, and the day is just beginning.
Pat feels he's a really happy man.
Everybody knows his bright red van, all his friends will smile as he waves to greet them, Maybe, you can never be sure, there'll be knock (knock knock)Ring (ring ring). Letters through your door. (Hee Hee).Postman Pat. Postman Pat. Postman Pat and his black and white cat.All the birds are singing, and the day is just beginning. Pat feels he's a really happy man.

Doobie and the Pencil

Once upon a time there lived a man named Doobie. Doobie was a simple man who didn't really care much about politics. In fact he cared so little about politics that he had never voted in his life. However, he was alway the first person to complain when the wrong politican got voted in. One day the police came to his door and he was escorted down the jail. You see, because he didn't vote, a hardline right winged fascist politician with a penchant for omletts was elected. This hardline right wing fascist politician with a penchant for omletts introduced a bill decalring that those who did not vote were to be hung.

So it was that Doobie was hung, and the moral is. VOTE!

The Wall of Morons

Here is the 'Wall of Morons' a list of people and places and things which I percieve to be moronic. if you take offence to this or if you disagree with the list, well, tough. Post an angry comment and I might change it.

1. Kim Jong Il
2. George W Bush
3. John Howard
4. Morris Iemma
5. Gordon Brown
6. The Royal Family
7. Supermodels
8. Rev. Ian Paisley
9. The Westboro Baptist Church
10. The Vatican
11. Margaret Thatcher
12. Shannon Noll
13. Scientologists
14. The Right Wing
15. The Man Who Invented Sandals (make up your mind people, thongs or shoes, you can't have both)
16. Anybody who does not agree with me

There will be pictures up soon, unless you are reading this after I put the pictures up, in which case the pictures are up now.

Amusing Statistics

Hello whoever you are, here are some amusing facts:

• 6% of all lost remote controls are later found in the fridge
• Americans eat on average, 18 acres of pizza each day
• Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie
• In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!
• Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!
• There are approximately fifty Bibles sold each minute across the world
• An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards
• In Texas, it's against the law for anyone to have a pair of pliers in his or her possession
• In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway.
• In Washington State, you can't carry a concealed weapon that is over 6 feet in length.
• It is against the law to mispronounce the name of the State of Arkansas in that State.

I really liked that crazy cow i do hope in future the farmer kills the crazy cow first or he might be next.

Ben

Yes

what did the skeleton say before eating

I dont know Tim what

Boneappitite